Monday, January 16, 2012

I've been working on a night train...

There are some beautiful lyrics and songs out there, but none of them hit me quite like 'Night Train' by Amos Lee. If you have never heard it before, I suggest that you look it up right now while you read this. That mournful guitar comes on and he begins to sign and I just melt.

It has been a long while since I last wrote. I feel as though that is how I begin any post or journal entry. Oh well, I've tried to fix it but I've realized that I just can't. That isn't me. There are a plethora of ideas bombarding my mind right now. I can only hope that, for your sake, I am able to organize them coherently. It does not help that I have a stomach full of junk food. Kong Kone, Coca-cola, and some homemade gyoza. Very full.

Once Amos Lee ends, I turn back to my show: Pride & Prejudice. The six hour version. Nothing makes a girl feel more at home than hearing Mr. Darcy's voice. It truly is a beautiful image.

Okay, now to begin the actual post. I am sincerely sorry the last one was so full of boys and nothing. There was really nothing behind it, because I am so over it. But I'll get to that later.

The weather over the past couple of days has been incredible. Saturday was the best. It must have been in the high 60s, sunny, with a slight breeze. I woke up early and went to the library to work on some stuff for work. While I was there (around five hours), I had some friends come and surprise me. After that I left with them and we went on our way home. Before we reached home, we ran into some people and talked with them. One of the was a guy who is not attending this semester because he received his mission call last semester. Madrid, Spain! We talked outside for a good half-hour until people were finally wanting to move on. I convinced my friend to come sit on the hill with me. They had recently finished putting sod on it and so it looked very nice and incredibly inviting. I could not resist. We made our way over to the hill and found respite in the sun.

That was a glorious day. [due to my watching of Pride & Prejudice, I'll probably transition into a different sort of writing] I must tell you that I have recently begun to meditate. I have heard that it improves the mind and sharpens the wits. While on the hill, I found it was a very agreeable hill for meditation. So, I folded my legs in the typical lotus position, rested my hands upon my thighs and proceeded to close my eyes and let the peace enfold me. There is a certain focus and confidence that follows regular meditation. My mom gave me some music over the holiday that is very conducive to a meditative state.

I've also been running more with this beautiful weather. I have gone running more than once and although it hurts, quite literally, I find it very empowering. I am able to travel somewhere by myself. There are so many times that I just need to get out and leave. This is my way of doing so. I go somewhere that no one follows me. I love to walk alone. I love to walk. To feel the pavement move beneath my feet. I am able to do something alone through my power only and that is a feeling that can bring great happiness.

This is so jumbled, I keep getting distracted by my movie. Mr. Collins is complimenting people again. I don't know that I'll be able to finish this post properly because I keep getting distracted. Let us see where this gets me.

That boy I was talking about last post? He is one of the most annoying people I believe to ever come into my acquaintance. He has no sense of other people and I believe was designed just to vex the good people of the Earth. Regardless, all is over. How did I figure this out? WELL. He was just being himself one day, Saturday in fact, and was not terribly friendly. It was also a very wonderful day so there was no reason to be disagreeable. Also, while we were walking back and we ran into those people, within that group there was a very amiable young man. He is rather handsome and very much himself. He is so friendly and is exactly the kind of kid I want to get to know more. When I looked between that kid and the one from last post, I found I lost all attraction to him. It is not that the attraction transferred, but it just depleted. I realize that if I am the right sort of girl, then I can someday be with someone like that other kid. I would not have to lower my standards or feel as though I was making 'the best decision that was open'. I have promised myself that nothing but the deepest love could ever induce me to matrimony.

There are too many ordinary things in life, love should not be one of them. I want nothing less than the most passionate, mad, and extraordinary love. The Lord knows each one of us personally, and what is important to us is important to Him. I know that He knows my opinions on the matter and so long as I have faith, that will happen. I will be completely incandescently happy. I am completely happy with the fact that I am not in a relationship with someone and that I can be happy by being single. There are so many girls here that do not feel the same way, I feel sincerely sorry for them. I enjoy it a great amount. Yes, there are times when I wish I had a best guy friend that I could call up at a moment's notice to chill with. But it is completely fine with me that I have not reached that stage yet because there is no one necessarily that I would want to have as my 'best guy friend'. I am a lone reed.

I think that is as far as I am going to get. I wish I could take my computer with me when I go on my walks. It is then that I find the best ideas flow. I love the beauty of this story that I am watching. There is magic contained in the very coattails. That is all I want. The relationship between Darcy and Elizabeth. They are so meant for each other. They are best friends. It is so beautiful. [Let me clarify now that I am watching the six hour version, not the wimpy one...]

On that note, I bid thee adieu.