Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Next Stop Everything

The title of this entry has many meanings. One: It is the name of a fantastic song from my favorite tv series "Doctor Who". Two: I'm applying to college and will be off soon, therefore 'next stop everything'.

I'm looking at all these different colleges right now. But I just worked on my BYU app and am almost done with my USU app, so I had some free time. There are so many options. I was looking at American nursing schools in Paris, France. Or in Aberdeen and Dublin. What if...

I can't help but wonder what if. Is it just wistful thinking or is this a push to make a choice so far removed from everything else that it is actually a possibility? I don't know. My life has become so confusing lately that I honestly don't know what to think.

I was involved in the production of 'The Compleat Works of Wllm Shkspr". I had a small part, but everyone who saw me said I was like this girl that I look up to greatly. And that was the best compliment! But now that it is over, I'm lost.

It's almost like I have a hole in my heart. It was my last production in theatre, probably ever. I won't act with those people again, or have the same experience. I have found that most friendships seem to grow exponentially when you are stranded at school together, till midnight, back stage at a drama production. SO many fun memories. And I will miss it.

There is magic in the theatre. And the theatre is magic.

It is my nirvana. To an extent. There is a certain beauty that comes with holding hands in a circle, surrounded by silence, while being bathed by the faint glow of work lights. Or the magic found in the tips of your fingers as you drag them in the dark with one hand on the black wall you used for so many performances and the other hand on the light linen of the sike.

The way our show was done, there was a corridor of sorts at the very back where no one could see you. Thats where the sike hung about a foot away from the wall. That is where it was quiet.

Now, if you haven't done theatre I probably sound ridiculous. But it's not. Mostly.

But it was a great show. It's getting late and I'm needing some warm apple sauce to try to combat the day.

Monday, November 1, 2010

I've got a fire on the soles of my feet

I keep starting posts but never finishing them. I wonder why...regardless I am convinced I will finish this one.

So, whats up? I feel like my blog is a friend that I haven't seen in a while. It's almost like it is awkward until we warm up to each other and can talk normally, you know? Well, hello blog! I've missed you.

Life has been so hectic recently that I don't know what to think about it. My grandpa had bypass surgery two weeks ago, and is still in the hospital. It just keeps getting worse, and it is strange for me. I don't feel it like how I think I should. Is there a right way to feel worry? I'm not like one of the girls in a movie where that is all they think about or they need to inhale sharply and sit on a couch and then break down into tears. No. For me it is more that I'll be really tired and then think of it and feel suddenly sad. But then it is gone. Like a wish on an eyelash.

Does that make me a bad person? I'm not sad like everyone else is. Am I wrong?

I wish I knew.

But besides that, senior year has been great in its own right! I've met a bunch of cool new people, been on some dates ;) and more. Haha. I keep getting the feeling that life has no where to go but up. And I'm going to run with that.

Honestly, whenever I'm outside and the stars are out I can't help but stop and stare. One morning, 'bout 5:50, I walk outside to my car and the moon is so bright you can see your shadow. The stars shine so bright that I feel sometimes that it is just for me because I'm the only one to notice. But I hope not.

Dear Blog, I hope we can become friends once more. We all have our awkward spells, see you soon!