Thursday, December 20, 2012

Tomorrow Never Knows

"I can't decide if you're a genius or a lunatic..." "They kind of go hand in hand." -Easy A

Now I will have "Pocketful of Sunshine" going through my head for a whole week. "You are on crack! And not the good kind!" Gah. This is a great movie. My sister and I are just hanging out watching it and dying. SO quotable. Sorry if you don't like it. Just kidding, I'm not sorry about it because I like this movie. "What do you think I have down there? A gnome?" Classic.

All that I want to do is write. Watching Emma Stone talk about how she wishes that John Hughes directed her life makes me want to write again. This kills me because I don't know how to write. There are so many better stories than I could ever come up with. Not even close, and I don't want to do that halfway. Easy A is one of them. She speaks with such honesty, it makes me involved in the movie. There is just something charming about it that sticks with me. And I don't mean that all of it was charming, because it wasn't. But her character and the character of that guy. I think that it was written well and Emma Stone acted it impeccably.

My mind... man. This is so frustrating. My mind is so full of things to say and I have no idea on how to say them. The past few days I've been doing that so much. I can't even talk right because my ideas all decide that they want to be said at the same time.

"What if I told you I wanted to be dragged into it?" Woodchuck Todd, you have a way with words. Every time I hear "Don't You Forget About Me", I am filled with this bizarre happiness that comes from the contentment of everything being alright. Everything is well and good and that is perfect for that time. There are few things that make me feel so real, so down to earth so quickly as that song does.

Here is a little bit of a brief look into my tiny little life. The holidays are absolutely fantastic. I've made a huge amount of cookies, done butt-loads of yoga, and hung out with my family. Major highlight was finding out my gym had a climbing wall that had a huge amount of free climbing hours and so I can just go whenever and climb, glory halleluja! Plus there is this fantastic dirt bike trail that I'm going to go and try out tomorrow after I get some work and yoga in. It is going to be fantastic.

Although I didn't write anything of importance here, mostly because I've written a huge amount already but I ended up deleting it because it was incredibly stupid and basically involved me reflecting on silly things that don't matter any more. This is much better and I leave with a good feeling.

Keep in mind that this blog was never written to be read, so sorry if you just wasted a couple minutes reading this. But this is kind of how things go. And I went on and wrote a good amount of other stuff, but again it was censored for the better. ANYWHO good night.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Pupusas and Petrichor

So much to cover and this is the latest that I have been up in a long time. There's no time like the present, and here. we. go.

Thanksgiving. Possibly the best holiday ever, which is bizarre because I spent it alone for the most part. But just wait, I'll explain. It really was not as sad as that sounds. My extremely generous extended family gave me use of one of their cars for that holiday! The plan was to head up to Idaho to stay with my grandparents. I planned a couple of stops along the way and turned a trip that was meant to only take 4.5 hours into a whole day affair. My roommate dropped me off at the car, and I settled in for a ride. I'd picked up a couple of different AV cords so that I could play the best roadtrip playlist that had hitherto ever been created (it took me an entire week and a half to craft that beauty). However, the car didn't have either an AV jack or a tape player, so country music it was (at least 70% of the stations were country). Boots off, heat on, and the adventure begins.

If you don't know this about me, you should now. I love the word adventure. That word and everything that accompanies it. I am, to the core, and adventurer. Any chance I get to go to a place I haven't been, learn something I haven't learned, do something off the beaten path, I do it. This trip was no exception. I'd picked out a couple of places I wanted to stop along the way, but I was open to changes. I first stopped at a thrift store in Brigham City. Another random little insight into me is that I have this blog I want to start called "Thrifting Across America". I've always loved that chase, going into a store and just looking for those things that you love and can make look good. Honestly, people hate going thrifting with me because I take forever. I go through everything, I try everything on, and I end up getting like maybe three things. Everything excites me about it, there are so many old records, record players, and books and just about every gizmo and gadget imaginable. OH and mugs. I have a huge weakness when it comes to mugs, I must have at least ten between my family's place and my apartment. That's after getting rid of like five before I left for this semester. Sorry, like I said I really like to thrift.

So I spent like two hours there, bought two shirts and a skirt, and then I got back on the road. I looked for a hole-in-the-wall diner that was supposed to be there but apparently they moved it and Rob's Tires doesn't serve anything remotely related to a 4.32 star plate with sausage and eggs and french toast. Let down. I got back onto I-15, turned up Jake Owen, and enjoyed the ride. I'll have to post some of the pictures that I took along the way sometime. The mountains had a beautiful layer of clouds that made me feel as though I was taking part in something much larger than myself. I can't really explain it.

My trip continued on. I stopped at a reservoir that looked pretty amazing from the road, and skipped some rocks over it. I found a few more thrift stores and took a break at Lava Hot Springs. The drive to get there was incredible, all mountains. I got to the hot springs, I had my swimsuit but I didn't end up using it. I couldn't tell where the right hot springs place was, so I just parked and got out and walked. Another thing that you need to know, I like to walk. ALOT. I walk everywhere all the time. I go on walks, kind of like a grandma. (There was this one guy who offered to drive me somewhere and I said 'it's fine, I'll walk!' and he looked all offended and my roommates said 'no. really! she loves to walk.' that made me extremely happy that they said that). Right, so tangent again. I found this place where there were a bunch of rapids but there was a small island in the middle. The skirt I was wearing was one I had actually made, and it is a maxi batik with patterns of red, yellow, and all shades in between. The wind that day made it whip around and there was something so peaceful about it. There was a little bit of rain, wind in the trees, and the entire city was deserted. I hiked down to the island, it took a little bit of jumping and such, but I got there. And right there I sat down cross-legged and meditated. The rushing of the water around me actually helped me to focus. It calmed my usually frantic mind, and that moment was perfect. I knew I could spend as much time there as I wanted and I had no obligations. Freedom, right there and then. I ended up getting up and walking through the trees and just smelling the juniper. There is no better feeling in the world than being alive. Having your skin buzz with the sensation of living, of experiencing the human condition, and yet transcending that and feeling your entire self and yet something beyond that. In that moment, I was fully myself and a little bit more.

I ended up getting to my grandparents place that night, safe and sound. The next day I ended up going to a place called Mesa Falls. I put some of the pictures up on Tumblr, so here they are if you want to see them. On the way I saw a sign for some dunes, and so I took the turn. I had no idea how to get there, how to get out, and anything in between. My dad knows this especially, but I am really kind of bad at directions. So this was a big deal. It was absolutely breathtaking! Sagebrush was everywhere (love the smell of sage) and juniper. Headed up to the falls, and you can see the pictures there. The Tetons were in the background, I tried to get pictures of it and my camera didn't want to work. Roads all the way up were coated in snow and ice and freedom. Enough about that. I ended up going back to the dunes with my grandparents and making some sage bundles, saw some in this new age shop in Salt Lake and decided to make my own. So genius.

It is getting late. I'll have to write again about more than that... BUT before I go, I just wanted to write some things that I'm thankful for:

  • Petrichor (the smell of the ground after it rains)
  • Pupusas. If you have never had one, repent immediately and go get one. But probably two. My friend and I went last night and we had so much fun. We talked about ideas and dreams and the future instead of people and what other people were doing. It was really refreshing.
  • My family. No matter how many times I mess up and do something ridiculous or straight up dumb, they are always there for me and that means more than the world for me.
  • Roommates. A couple of nights ago, one of my roommates and I went on a walk and talked about everything. Even if there were some things that I didn't want to talk about, she pushed me so that I did talk about it and it felt really freeing to say some things. And it felt really good to listen. Thank you.
  • Thanksgiving.
  • Being at this university. As much crap as I give it, I really am glad to be here. There are so many things that I would be missing out on if I went anywhere else. I've been able to learn how to be myself in an environment that lets me explore the options while keeping me grounded. For those of you who do not know, I am a Philosophy major and I'm really excited to see where I go with it. I am grateful for the opportunity I have to study and learn everything that I am and also learn more about my faith.
  • My religion. My life is inexplicably intertwined with my religion. I would not be the same person I am today without it, no doubt about it. And I am so incredibly grateful for it.
Those are the big things. Other random things that I am grateful for and appreciate:
  • The way that hands were made. We can do so many things with them. We create, we destroy, we love, we hurt, we talk, and we feel with them. People wonder why I have a thing for hands, but I wonder how other people don't. Hands can tell so much about a person. And I am so grateful for them because I just think they are absolutely incredible.
  • New Years kisses. Never gotten one...not expecting one. But I just watched New Year's Eve and everyone just had a New Year's kiss and I just think that its a beautiful moment of humanity.
  • Sleep. Because that's what I'm definitely thinking about the most right now.
On that note. I leave you. And I'll post some more gratitudes later and other such things.

Have a delightful evening/morning (depending on your respective timezone) and I shall talk with you later!