Thursday, March 15, 2012

Barefoot Blue Jean Night

While I don't listen to country that much, I keep listening to this song. I know I should be in bed right now, 8 AM classes are terribly merciful. Although they suck whether you get eight hours of sleep, or five. So I'll just keep doing this.

The weather out here has been absolutely beautiful, every night has been a barefoot blue jean night. With me playing guitar by myself and not staying up to the crack of dawn with anyone. But I have been enjoying it regardless.

These past few nights have been especially ... interesting. Maybe the estrogen levels all over campus have raised, but love is in the air. Not like that, just the thought of love. And I hate it. I hate when I get in these moods. It sucks. Being a girl sucks sometimes. And what sucks is that I like it. My roommates and I have been feeling the same way..GAH. So frustrating. I just keep thinking about... well. Don't worry about that specifically. It is just very annoying. And irrational.

There is so much I want to write about. But nope. Tonight is not the night. Right now I just need to write. I haven't written in such a long time. This feels really good. I've got the lights turned down, good music playing, and the cool night breeze blowing on my neck. All in all, life is good. I should be really grateful for all the things that I have. The stars are bright, the moon has been even brighter. There really is nothing like seeing the bright, full moon shining behind the mountains and illuminating them. Truly breathtaking.

This type of weather is the kind that makes me appreciate a lot of things. The way the grass is cool on my skin as I lay in it. The sun and the way it feels to get too warm in it. Feet on the sand and the way your body reacts different physically when you run in it. The sound of feet hitting the pavement. The sound that bare feet make on the pavement. Feeling a little bit too cold in shorts and a t-shirt because you are in the shade, but not wanting to get up because it feels absolutely fantastic regardless. Feeling your shirt move when you lay in the sun and feeling that warm cloth shift. The leaves feel different as you run your hands through them. The branches feel softer and more alive. The entire world is waking up and stretching. If you do not let yourself become a part of that stretching, then you are missing out on the expanding experience that it is. There is so much to learn from all of that, it makes me so sad because so many people turn a blind eye to it. It is just another season. Yes, but that does not make it any less significant. Enjoy every moment of it. Breathe in deeply every time that you can. Feel that air fill your lungs and make you whole. Feel that earth beneath your feet.

That isn't where I was thinking about going for this post, but there it is! Things just flow sometimes. I don't usually know where they are taking me, but I always end up somewhere. Like here. I would talk more about boys and such (these past two days have completely revolved around them.), but I don't think that you want to read about that. Honestly, I don't think about it that much. But when I do, I blog about it. And that is then what you read. I am very sorry that you have to put up with my feminine rantings. They can become fairly repetitive.

I'll leave you with this song. It kind of reminds me of those summer nights where it is a little cold, enough to give you shivers, but not enough to close the window and shut off the breeze. Those nights where you have someone to think about and they make you come alive. The world is alive, you are alive, and you are just waiting for the opportunity to burst into that new found power. The breeze rejuvenates you and makes everything clear, cool, and perfect. You are so optimistic. You are so full of the beauty of the world all around you. The cold side of the pillow is even something that makes you feel more like yourself. Taking your socks off in bed and feeling the covers push against your toes and all that it makes you feel. Enjoy the little things. A well draped cotton shirt that feels good. The bit of sand that gets between your foot and your flip flop. A good smile. A kind hello. People who like you for who you are. You are made for hot summer days, but also for those perfect, cool summer nights. Spring nights are almost as good. Nothing beats the smell of possibility that seems to hang in spring air like fog. It is really beautiful. As a kid, I would always be awake during these nights. My sister would be asleep. I would open up the blinds and let the moon rays fall on me. I'd watch the way the lights hit cars that drove by. The best was when it was right after a rain. It'd be one in the morning and the lights and the moon would make the street look like something Monet created in the deep recesses of his mind. I loved it. I'd make myself a cup of tea sometimes and just sit and watch. I did that a little while ago here, and it was just as good.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

I'm No Sailor, I Want to Rock the Boat

This song makes me so happy. It makes me want to jump up and down singing into a hairbrush. Let it be known that there are very few songs that make me feel like that. Here is the comprehensive list:

And that is my list. All of those plus blue hair. That is how big of a deal that song is to me now. It is way up there. I sing along to a lot of songs, but I don't jam out with hairbrushes and stuff all the time. I am one of the few people in my ward that knows how to dye their own hair. I'm actually thinking about going blonde again soon. Not white, but lighter. I like it. Maybe red again, who knows?

But I love the rebellion that is in that song. She is not rebelling against anyone and it is not really on a super deep level. She is simply doing it because she can and it would be fun. She likes it and there is no law saying that she can't do it, so why not? I covered my entire room in photographs that I have taken. Plenty of people have asked my 'why'. I just tell them it's because I like pictures and I could do it. Why do I do a lot of things? Because I can. Because the opportunity is there and I would be a fool not to seize it and find something out about myself.

There are so many things that people don't do because they are afraid. They are afraid of the opinions of other people, or the fear of the unknown, or the fear of allowing themselves to do something out of character and that they might like it and have to redefine themselves. The thing is, other people don't give a crap what you do. Maybe they will think you are weird, but there is always a good amount of people that will think whatever you did was cool or have already done that. "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." 

 The unknown is a beautiful thing and that is the only way you can do anything in the world now. So much is known that when you find something that is unknown, you have to seize it and do all that you can do make the most of that chance. The unknown is a transient, beautiful entity and can change your life for the better if you let it. It has done that to mine.

Finally, don't be afraid of yourself. Who said that you had to be true to the image that people see of you? That doesn't mean look like a goody-two-shoes and act like a harlot. What it means is that you can't let other people define you. You define you. Other people see an image but they don't know the story behind it or the dried paint layers lying beneath the facade that makes it what it is today. Do NOT let other people tell you who you are and how you are defined. You are your own beautiful celestial spirit. You have a light that can only shine out of your unique eyes.

That is why I like "Blue Hair".

I'm in the mood to just create playlists tonight. So here are a few random ones that I just felt like coming up with. I blame Nick for getting me started on this.

Here is my "Life" mixtape:

Here is my "Thinking about a boy that I used to know" mix tape.

That's all I've got tonight. I need to hit the hay because I'm getting up early and I didn't get home until after one last night. Yeah, crazy night. It was great.