Sunday, April 24, 2011

Walls are caving in

If you play the song "Caves" by Jack's Mannequin while reading this, you will have found the perfect accompaniment. This is not a sad post. Hopefully. I'm thinking it will be more reflective and down to earth. It's late. The weather is perfect. And I'm listening to caves. It all leads to thoughts that fall hard like anvil raindrops. Despite the fact that it sounds like a bad indie band, that is the best analogy I can think of.

These thoughts are somehow hitting hard today and unexpectedly. They fall without regard as to where or when. I wish I had the talent to put what I'm thinking into music. Such a beautiful tableau when someone is enveloped in the music and is bent over the piano, creating something beautiful and straight from their heart to yours. No middleman, just pure and unadulterated pain, love, sorrow, loss, joy, and utter humanity transferred directly to that cavity you carry in your heart for those magical moments to fill.

But I am not a musician. This small plebeian will have to duke it out using words and world wide web.

Yet, now that I'm actually here I don't know what to write about. I want to thank my friends for being such great people and inspiring me as we've hung out this week. But that doesn't seem right. Somehow I always settle into a topic that feels right, I just need to find this one.

Friends? No. Family? No. College? Not really. The fact that I'm leaving? Nope. My birthday is in five days? Not even close. What am I supposed to write about? The transient nature of human life? Hah.

Simplicity. Peace. Being. Ah, there you are. This is something that has been on my mind for a good long while. And there it will likely stay for years to come. I've been trying to work on simplifying things. My room, my schedule, schoolwork, everything. Since we didn't go anywhere this break, I didn't get the same cleansing experience I usually do. Whenever we go to the Carolinas I always come back feeling more at home with myself and position in life in relation to myself and others. I get away from technology and I feel great. But this year I had no such luck. I almost felt as if I was tied to my phone. I've found myself longing for the beaches of Eddisto and Okracoke. Just sitting there. I was always at home there.

I like to find peace in the simple things in life. I'm just about the lowest maintenance personality out there, or at least I like to think so. Give me a backpack, food, and clothing and I'll be happy. I rarely worry about things, that is what gives me a greater view of life than my peers, other than being LDS, there is something else. "Don't sweat the small stuff".

I really have been thinking about this, ever since I saw Eat, Pray, Love. I wanted to go to India with her so bad, to be able to look that deep inside yourself and find that inner peace, that is a chance in a lifetime. Someday that will be me. I know it.

Anyways, it's past the time I usually go to sleep. Good night and happy easter.

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