Thursday, July 29, 2010

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song

Writing helps me think, and I really can't do anything else right now. I would write in my journal, but my hand moves to slowly to catch what I'm thinking.

I'm trying to think about how much I really want to write about me. My dreams, aspirations, etc. Some of it seems too silly to say, while there are some that are too heavy to post. And it's those thoughts and feelings I'm dealing with now. :P

The Earth really is a fragile place. But it is so...magical.

I can't help but feel the electricity in the air when I look out the window at night and see the vast expanse between land and the moon. The perspective it gives is refreshing. It reminds me that I am only a small being on the surface of the Earth, and even the planet itself is a pale, blue dot in the universe. And yet, I can still make a difference. I, the small little speck, have potential to be something great.

When I realize that, I can't help but find beauty in everything. For example, today I found the beauty in a raindrop. It was perfectly formed and looked like a small glass ornament. And I loved the splash it made as it hit the asphalt. Then how the street lights look on the pavement after a good storm. It seems to bring out colors that weren't there before.

But the strange thing is that with all this beauty and potential, there is so much sadness. I don't know anything that is more difficult to say than goodbye. Maybe it's because I've said so many. Or because the people I've said it to haven't been in my life for years now. I miss them, and sometimes it hurts.

That is life right? We make entrances and exits into others' lives and they do the same to our own. With so many friends graduating and moving on, I've started to think about this more and more. It's not that I'm sad. I understand that you are going off to bigger and better things, and I know that I'm going to be doing the exact same thing.

I just don't like being the one left behind. I don't like to be forgotten. Trust me, I've been in that position.

But, it's not even that. I just like change so much it frustrates me when I'm not the one changing. I'm so used to moving around and new schools and people, that I don't know what to do when I'm with the same people for more than a few years.

I have a friend, Ginger, that thinks like I do sometimes. We are old souls and do the things that people 20-30 years older than us do. We like to reflect on our lives and think about everything that's happened to us. It's like we're talking about "the good old days" when they really aren't old at all.

I can't help it sometimes. I just think. And writing helps me organize that. Oh look, we're back to the beginning, aren't we? Haha. It seems appropriate. And that is the end. My head has marginally cleared, and that's all I can ask for.

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