Sunday, July 17, 2011

Soliloquy of a blue guitar

Why hello!

Here I am, and I don't know where to go. But I'm happy and I just want to say something. This is my alternative to shouting something at the stars while standing on my sidewalk. See what I did there? Alliteration, that's what.

I just watched Ever After and that movie ALWAYS puts me in a good mood. There is something so very right about it, something that fits and always will. It is such a beautiful story and such a beautiful relationship. THAT is what I want my marriage to be like. And I wouldn't mind having a breathtaking story to go along with it too. Or a handsome husband, preferably a prince? Okay fates of the universe, I can deal without the last part. But if you could help me make the rest happen, that would be much appreciated.

It is just a good night. Late. But regardless, it is good. The stars are out. Almost full moon. Clear sky. Breeze. And I'm listening to a whole bunch of covers to some of my favorite songs (and they don't suck). I mean, who doesn't like an acoustic version of Vienna? Or Don't you forget about me? Yeah, that is what I thought. Right now I'm listening to a piano version of Slow Dancing in a Burning Room. Wonderful!

I'm not thinking deeply tonight. No heavy topics. Just lighthearted love of life. Finally. I feel like I've been so stressed lately, but here I am now. Relishing in the feeling of my feet under the covers, the hot tea I just had, and the breeze blowing across my face. I am here. I am present. The moment is mine. And I can do whatever I want to with it. This won't last long, but it will last. Hopefully until Thursday and past.

The clock ticks on and I must go. But first I want to post something I wrote the other night, it was a throwback to the more eloquent Emily. I don't know where she has gone, but this was in the same spirit as she. Here goes. I called it "Climbing trees at Hogwarts"

This is the way I want to stay.
Warm with the cool night breeze on my cheek.
This is me.
In this moment
I can survive
Nothing matters except the next letter
This is the way I want to stay.
I want to write beautiful, but that doesn't matter
I want to see the world, but I know that will come
I want to share this moment with someone, but not now
I want to be someone worth becoming, but that is all in the future
For now I write, and I think, and I do for me. And my family. Sometimes my friends
I look at the night sky because the only memories I have of it are between the man on the moon and I
Peace comes
I enjoy the time alone
In fact, I like being alone more than being with people
That could be a problem
But in the future
Not now
What happened to the Emily that could write all of this and make it sound good? The worlds that would flow like endless rain into a paper cup. They would come together and make a stream of consciousness that would flow over my being and somehow make sense
Among the selves today, I dreamt of someone asking me what I was doing and my reply being "Contemplating the universe"
Yet here I sit
A testament of my daydreams
Validation of sorts
Clack, click, clack, click
Tap, tap, tap
The validation comes. The vindication starts
My stream of consciousness is siphoned into a flow of words from the very core of my being
Poured out onto my bed, silver in the moonlight
Now I'm thinking too hard
I'm trying to make this nonsense into poetry
If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing it's a failure
Me barking up the tree of poetic ability
But peace
You know, I don't mind failure so much. I'l give it a new name: Creativity
Now I give it another: sleep
Dream for hours, yet only for fleeting moments
That is life after all.