Monday, October 15, 2012


Goooooooood eeeveningg.

Fall is here, hear the yell. Autumn is approaching and it feels amazing. Everything is cooling off, the mountains have a trace of snow, and the air just smells better. It is almost as if when fall hits, everything becomes in high definition and crisper.

My friend recently put up a post about all the things she loves about autumn and life and I think I might do the same. SO

  1. The crunch of leaves
  2. Cuddling
  3. Chapstick
  4. The smell of oranges and cloves
  5. A hot mug
  6. Red noses
  7. A cold breeze
  8. The lightness of feeling in the air
  9. Camping, and everything about it.
  10. Tea
  11. The rain

The list goes on and on. I couldn't find anything better to describe it than these pictures.

Now, I need to find an answer to the question "What do I want?". I know that there is an answer, but I don't think that it is what you are thinking of. Hmm.. what do I want? It doesn't come in a box. Nothing I ever truly want does, not since I was 12, and even then it didn't really. I have never been tied to material things like that, it just isn't something that I've ever had to deal with. I want to live. I want to be alive, to experience the beauty of breathing and living and experiencing everything that I possibly can. Today in relief society we talked about what our passions were, and the only thing that came to my mind was to live. I do not want to let a single experience pass me by that would allow me to truly live. To feel human, to feel pain, to feel joy, to laugh loudly, and cry hard. To be left breathless by a run or a moment and to never miss a change to feel the ground underneath me or the sun and rain on my face. That is what I want, above all else. That is my passion.

I want to travel. That fits in with that one, and it is not something that I want anyone to give me. Ever. It is something that I have to work and slave over on my own otherwise I won't appreciate it as much. I have to travel on my own terms and do what I need to do, and that is just the way it is. That is a me thing and that is something that I do not want to change because it is such an integral part of who I am and who I want to become.

Another very important thing is that I want to be myself. I say things that you do not like, act in ways that confuse you, and say things just for the sake of them being said. It is weird, I know. I get it. But I want to be able to be completely myself around someone, around you, and not worry about how you are going to take what I say. If something I say confuses you, just ask what I meant. If something is bothering you, just talk about it. I am not the kind of person who likes to beat around the bush like that, just talk straight. And right now I can, and that is good.

These are just some other random things that I want: to shave my head, to go to a random funeral (like Maude), write a book, go skinnydipping, and do yoga on the beach. These are all things that I want at some point, I just have to get there. I feel so immature sometimes because in Relief Society, there were people saying things like "be a mom", "be the favorite science teacher", etc. I have not reached that point. They are all good things, but I'm still a reckless youth. I crave freedom in every form. 

Is that what you thought it would be? Probably not. Actually, you probably think that those were really lame answers based on all the hype. You thought that you would find out what I want in a relationship...well. Hm. Honesty. Comfort. Fun. And no stress, because right now I am not stressing about anything. So calm down. Now you know what I want. And I do not want all of those things now. Where is the fun in that? Instant gratification is highly overrated and does not lead to anything lasting, typically. Just take comfort in knowing that I am comfortable getting as close as we have, because I definitely do not do that with just anybody. Especially getting as actually close in proximity as we did. Keep that in mind, and do not stress.

Everyone, have a lovely beginning to your week. Make yourself a hot beverage, walk to class, feel scholarly. Carry on.

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